My God is Good!

So, as some of you know, I have had a pretty intense past month. It has all been pretty hard. I have been really confused and fearful of a lot of it, and most of it was just being concerned about what the future holds for me. A few days ago, my roomie and I decided we were going to make some radical changes in order to draw nearer to God. I dunno what I would do without her : ) God has blessed me a lot to have someone along side me this who time. I know it's all in His plan, I just haven't figured out what that is yet!

Things has been so good the past three days though. So good! I don't feel like I am out of the trial, that is for sure, but I have something that I haven't really had the past few weeks... hope. And not like hope for a particular event, hope in God's provision and the knowledge that my Father is always with me. He will never leave me, nor will He forsake me. Maybe God does test faithfulness, and that is what He is doing right now. I am not really sure. All I know, is that I have hope... and it feels good. ;)

Like I said, the biggest thing I have been worried about it my future. Not any one particular thing, but everything. What am I supposed to do when I graduate college? Will I ever get married? What if I don't want to be a missionary if I don't get married? Is that wrong? What if I want to start over and be away from everyone? Is that ok? Or is that just fear? So many question, and I am about to make so many decisions for my future soon. I feel like I am just waiting for the Lord to tell me what to do, but here is what I have been thinking:

I don't think it always works like that.

For example, the bible say that Paul thinks it is better to not get married, but he who marries does not sin (1 Corinth 7:28). Therefore, I don't think God necessarily "calls" us to marry anyone. This is not to say that God is not sovereign, or omnipotent, but I do think He lets us choose. I think once we make that decision, we must follow it fully, and honor that decision until the day that we die. Yes, it will be harder, but it will be filled with a whole set of different joys, trials, and ministries. I often hear people talking about like dating websites or so called "wife/husband hunters" and how those people really aren't trusting in God to provide for them. I disagree. I think it's a decision, not different than an arranged marriage (which was often done in the bible). It is not necessary to wait always. Paul says if your desire is to get married, get married. It's your decision. God let's you choose. God made woman for man, as His helper. Marriage is a pretty necessary part of life for most people, though not all. I am not saying I am going to jump on ChristianMingle.com and find myself a missionary husband tomorrow or anything. I am just saying that I don't understand all the negative connotations.

The reason I state that is to farther explain what I have been thinking about when it comes to the future. What if it isn't always about a calling. Don't get me wrong, I know some people have callings. I know I have a calling. But I don't think that means that we always get this explicite sign of what we need to be doing. For example, I know I am supposed to do missions someday. I don't know when, and I don't know where, but I know I am supposed to do it. So when I graduate, what am I supposed to do? Move to China? Move to indy or chicago or philly and get a job and pay off some loans. Go teach english with some friends in Taiwan, Korea or Japan? Heck if I know! Obviously I am praying, but I think it is ultimately going to end up being my choice.

I feel like so many people often make choices and spend there time wondering if they made the right choice. I feel like there are a couple questions to ask. Are you sinning in what you are doing? No. Can you bring glory to the Kingdom of God while you are here and do it with all of you heart? Yes. Then why does it matter. Jim Elliot (my hero) said once, "wherever you are, be all there." We are called to do all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:23), but I don't think it allways so cut and dry waht that is. I think I have to make a decision soon about my future, but I dunno that it's a calling. I think I need to decide, and when I decide, I need to be all there, and when I am there, I need to do everything for the glory of my Father. That is what I intend to do. I will not turn back in wonder. I will trust in the Lord, prayerfully, and be all where I have chosen to go. Again, I am still praying and hoping for an answer... but ultimately, I just want to love God whever I am.

I have so much comfort in that. I know that I am a child of my Father, and He delights in me. He has chosen me, and He has set me apart. He is still completely sovereign, and He knows the choices I will make, so when I do them, I need to honor that.

I'll keep you updated ; ) Still praying and seeking! Don't stop praying for me! I can feel them moving : ) I really do love you all so much! I have such wonderful friends!

Love,
Mel