The Discipline of My Father

Today has been a pretty good day for me. I have struggled a lot recently. I have had a lot of ups and downs. Some days I trust in the Lord with all of my heart, I hand my struggles to Him, and I fight like crazy to remain by His side. Other days, I just give up. I wine, and cry, I do nothing to prevent or fight the struggle. I'm not being hard on myself. I know that not everyone can always be super strong willed, and always trust that God's plan is the right plan. I have even resorted to getting angry with people I don't even know on my bad days. I was mad a Elisabeth Elliot yesterday actually... yea... how rediculous is that? I don't even want to explain why.

I just want to start this entry by saying that I have no idea if I am right, this is just something that I have been thinking about. Today I came across a passaged that sort of hit me really hard from the book of Isaiah. My friend, Mike O, sent me another passage from the new testiment that says relitively the same thing... and it really got my mind churning.

"For your maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Isreal is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
For th eLord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I deserted you,
and with great compassion I will gather you.
In overfollowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,"
Says the Lord, your redeemer." ~ Isaiah 54:5-8

AND

"'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
For the Lord disciplines the ones He loves,
and chastises every son whom he recieves.'

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treated you as sons. For what son is there whom this father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitmate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers whoe disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of the spirits and live? For they disciplined us for our short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. For a moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peacefrut of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift up your drooping hands and strngthen your weak knees, and make stait the path of your feet so that what is lame may not put out the join but rather be healed" ~ Hebrews 12:3-12. Amen.

I started thinking about the discipline of the Lord, and I put these two passages together. God loves me, I know that, but what if God uses turning his face from me for my good? What a concept. I started thinking to myself, why would God ever do that?! Why would he abandom me if he loves me... But, really, I grow the most when I have to trust that God is there dispite the fact that I feel as though he has turned his face from me. I know this is going to be a substantial time of growth for me. Over the past 9 months, God has really just been breaking down my pride and teaching me to love people. He has taught me so much more about what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. He used a good friend to help me a lot with that too. But now that I am struggling, I feel like I am learning even more so what that means.

I don't know what the discipline of God looks like, but I know I am in it now. God is trying to teach me, so I need to pick up my stupid drooping hands and lift them to the Lord of lords. God is making me the woman he wants to be. Full of passion and love for people, and full of ways to be blessed beyond measure.

I am afraid right now. I have no idea what to do about anything. I'm afraid of what the future holds. I am afraid of loneliness. I am afraid of failure. I fear many things, but the Lord is with me. I will lift my eyes unto the hills, because my help comes from the Lord alone (Psalm 121:1-2). Thank you for your prayers everyone. They have helped immensly. Praise the Lord!!!!

Lots of love.

Hugs,
Mel