Matthew 7:21-23

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of the father that is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophecy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you, depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'" ~Matthew 7:21-23

Wow... that hit me pretty hard when I read it a few days ago. I have been thinking about it ever since then. Can you imagine? Feeling like you had dedicated your life to God, only to find that He knew all along the works you did were not for Him. Can you imagine the shame? I can't. I can't think of anything that would be more horrifying, more painful and more shameful that this. To kneel before the throne of judgement and to hear God say, "Depart from me... I never knew you." God's grace is so abounding. All we have to do is love him and truely seek his forgiveness and it will be given to us. That's all. I will never understand how people can look at Christ and see only a cultural religion and not think about the sacrifice or the love that he gave to us a he walked a sinless life... and died the death we deserve. I want to slap those people in the face and tell them to wake up. It's right there, right before their eyes, but they don't see it. America is so frustrating...

In Their Eyes

Today, I looked back at the time I spent in China to try to understand why I am so... discontent, now that I am back in America. What I saw was pretty amazing.

I closed my eyes and the vision of China flooded in. I can still see all of their faces. Stella, Freya, Yume, Grace, Summer, Cathy, Hova, Lucas, Alex, Future... all of them, one by one I look over their faces... and I look into their eyes. Their eyes tell you so much. I felt like I was looking into the pits of their hearts when I would talk to them. My heart broke everyday there, knowing that millions and millions of the people there were falling asleep every night without the hope of the gospel that Christ gives to each an every one of us. When I met a non-believer, nothing else mattered to me. It didn't matter if they were cruel. It didn't matter if they were unattractive. Hanging out with my teammates didn't matter. Finding the man I am supposed to marry didn't matter. The gospel. That mattered. That is a vision I won't ever forget. I felt bold and I felt fearless. How I long so badly to be back.

If I look into the eyes of the people here... They look empty. I am so scared of the people here. I can't do it the same way. I don't see them the same way. When I am here, I feel like I am visiting a foreign land and I am waiting impatiently to return home to my family. I recognize this is sin. I have blocked myself from being able to see the vision God has for me here. I pray God can change my heart and I pray God will force me out of my comfort zone. Praise God for His endless grace.

Me... In a Nutshell

So, I am not much of a blog person for the most part.  I've never really done it before... but I kinda felt compelled to start.  I keep a journal, so there are definitely things I won't write in this, but I feel like I just need to get some stuff out. I think I am just going to write and not think.  No editing, just thoughts on a paper.  I haven't really told anyone about this either... so if you are here, it's because you actually want to know about my life and my heart.  So here it is.  Me, in a nutshell:

I'm 21 years old and I am a junior at IU.  I  hate school with a passion and want to drop out daily.  I see that I have a purpose here, but in my sinfulness... I have yet to let myself embrace it or really even understand what it is.  Jesus Christ is the man of my dreams and no guy can ever take the place of him, but someday I might find the man who is just as in love with Jesus as I am = )  I'm broke a broken spirt and I have the most amazing life I could have ever dreamed of.  I've been saved by the grace of God alone and I have been called according to His purpose.  I love my friends, my brothers and sisters, more that I could ever express in words.  I am so much like the apostle Peter it's crazy.  I am passionate about everything I do, including the stupid impulsive things (which happen often).  I try to be perfect and end up legalistic at times.  The more I learn, the more I realize how impossibly it is to ever be the woman that I want to be and it kills me.  I sometimes forget that all of these things make the Grace of God that much sweeter, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to understand.  God breaks me everyday and I love him more for it everyday.  God is my life and everything in it revolves around better serving him.  

I was listening to a sermon yesterday by John Piper.  I can't remember the exact quote, but I will do my best.  He said, "Don't buy into the lie that you are so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good.  The only people who can really make a difference are the people who are so radically heavenly minded..."  he goes on to just discuss how important it is to constantly have our head in the clouds or in the heavens more so.  That's how you make a difference.  Don't be a half ass (sorry, couldn't think of a better term) Christian.  If you are in Christ, BE in Christ.  Live, breath and eat the love that Christ brings with his amazing sacrifice on the cross. How could anyone want anything less?  Don't be content with that life.  God isn't... We have forgotten what God has called us to be.  Men, Be bold.  Be strong.  Be courageous.  Be gentlemen and take care of each other.  Be men of your word.  Be fearless with the Gospel that saved you. Women, have a gentle and quite spirit.  Love unconditionally.  Be hospitable and take care of those around you.  But also, be bold, be strong and be courageous.

I think that is it for today, now you know a little about my thoughts.  I have a final tomorrow and I wrote this instead of studying... to let you know a little more about me. ; )