Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...

Recently, I have been really bad about being faithful. I have not been good about praying regularly, or reading regularly, or even just loving God regularly. I really don't know what is wrong with me. It is not that I have anything that I feel is pushing me away from God right now (except for perhaps time), I don't feel angry with Him, and I want to be nearer to him. I am just not exactly sure how this is all going to work out.

I have blogged about how I feel like this might be a time God is turning His back to me, not because He doesn't love me (clearly, He gave His son for me), but because there is something He is trying to teach me. I know I need to be listening. I know, I know, I know! But I just don't! The future is approaching so quickly, but I am two busy figuring it out to sit down and listen. I just want to trust God for what is best, and stop trying to do everything on my own. No wonder I am so tired all the time! I have been carrying all my burdens on myself, instead of casting them to God, because he cares for me. It doesn't have to be this hard, but my worldly desires are really trying to manifest themselves right now.

I was reading 1 Samuel 3 today, and it really spoke to my heart. The first few chapters of Samuel are about Hannah birthing Samuel and offering him to the Lord, and about Eli and his sons. Eli's sons are evil men, even though Eli is a faithful servant, and the Lord hates their sins. Chapter 3 is about Samuel being called to by God. Samuel doesn't realize it is God until Eli tells him to call out to God and tell the Lord he is listen, speak. When Samuel finally listens to the Lord, God gives him a prophecy. He is going to kill all the descendants of Eli, because of their sins and blaspheming. The next morning, Eli asks Samuel to tell him everything he had heard from God, and to hide nothing, so Samuel tells him. Eli's response is, "It is the Lord, let him do what seems good to him." (vs.18)

Wow. God is going to kill all of his children, and he still trusts the Lord is doing what is best. I don't really have a story like that. I don't feel like God is taking anything away from me, or depriving me of anything I deserve. I just feel distant. But I know my God is faithful, and my God is good. Please be praying for me. Even in my lack of all emotion right now, I still do desired to be held by my Father. I desire to please him, to love him, to serve him, and to be near to him. I just don't know how to do that right now...

Just trust him, and be patient that what he is doing in me is good.

It is.

Love,
Mel